Monthly Archives: September 2010

Alchemy Festival, here we come! Maybe..
Alchemy Festival, here we come!  Maybe.. avatar

Thursday’s finally here and we’re all ready to head out to Alchemy for a bit of Burning Man fun, southern style.  Well, once the a/c compressor on the van is installed, we’ll be heading out.

So what’s going on at Alchemy this year that might be of interest to all your wonderfully kinky people out there?  I’m glad you asked.  Click the More to see what’s going on and how much fun you’ll be missing if you’re not there.

On being a SAM
On being a SAM avatar

I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve seen posts about how a submissive is supposed to act. Proper training this, and proper etiquette that, and a True Sub should Always Respect A Dom.

Not the sub’s dom. ANY dom.

Bullshit. Just because some moron has decided to wear all black with a flogger hanging off his belt and is calling himself Master God’sGift does not entitle him to respect from me. It doesn’t. If he’s got 20 years of experience and five subs hanging off his arm, it STILL doesn’t entitle him to respect from me.

Common courtesy, yes. Respect, no. Respect is earned, or it is meaningless. Utterly meaningless. It’s as meaningless as the “apology” that’s worded “I’m sorry if I offended you”.

All that text and not a pretty picture to be seen.
All that text and not a pretty picture to be seen. avatar

While SAM and I figure out what we’re going to do to graphically spice this place up a it, here’s a little something I shot last year to keep your interest (or something) up.

Not safe for work photo after the break.  Link is to my photo gallery.

Safewords, not just for the bedroom anymore.
Safewords, not just for the bedroom anymore. avatar

A conversation a few days ago sparked a train of thought that led me to realize just how entwined the concept of safewords is with all of my interpersonal interactions; not just those that involve some BDSM element.

Due to the nature of play that I engage in with my wife, I have what you might call a background process that is always watching for an unexpected reaction to whatever I am doing at that moment.  I’m not saying my sub is perfectly predictable, but if my swat of her ass with the flogger normally gets a moan, then a sharp intake of breath or scream is something that triggers that process.   At that point, I will do a safety or mood check to make sure everything is still in the green.

You May Have Noticed Our Blog Looks Boring.
You May Have Noticed Our Blog Looks Boring. avatar

So have we. Seriously, we know we need to put little graphics and illustrations and such into the posts. So, if you have a source for Creative Commons License pictures you think would go well in my previous three posts, drop me a line. Until then, I’ll be looking for stuff, or seeing if we can’t create some pictures of our own to add.

Please note, they must be Creative Commons License, Public Domain, or an image that you own and are willing to allow us to use. Being pillaged by pirates is never fun if you haven’t consented to it ahead of time.

What the hell is ‘consensual non-consent’?
What the hell is ‘consensual non-consent’? avatar

I mean, either you consent or you don’t, right?

Well, mostly. For most people, the phrase “consensual non-consent” is about eight gajillion kinds of utterly pointless; they have no need for it. For some people, though, they still like to play Cowboys & Indians. Just with a more, um, adult focus. It is definitely a type of activity that is rated NFE – Not For Everyone.

Some people, though, really get off on the fantasy of, say, being captured and raped by pirates. Or being the pirate. It’s not something anyone would really want to happen in real life, but a little dress-up, a few props, and hey! Things can get fun.

Submission versus abuse
Submission versus abuse avatar

This is a little earlier than I’d planned on publishing a second post, but a friend e-mailed me a pretty excellent question.

“Where the line is drawn between submission and abuse, from the perspective of the dom? For example, how does the dom know, when he says “you filthy whore”, that he is meeting the requirements of his sub and not emotionally abusing her, unless they have carefully laid out a blow-by-blow playbook in advance? It reminds me of what the old oval track racers used to say, “There’s no such thing as going too fast, until you crash. Then its too late.”

First, that’s what initial negotiations and discussions about limits are for. For some people, name-calling is a major turn-on. For some other people, it’s never, never okay under any circumstances. There’s no way to know in advance, unless you ask. Any responsible dom will ask a potential sub “What are your hard limits?” Any responsible sub will be very direct and honest about stating what those limits are.

Things that make me sad and angry.
Things that make me sad and angry. avatar

How do I leave when I have given all of my power away and been collared? Are there some type of formalities I need to follow, or can I just go? I’m trying to do that now, but my partner hasn’t given permission.