Safewords again? That trick never works.
A more specific breakdown of why I use which safewords:
Green we rarely actually use. It’s only used when he’s doing a safety check, if he asks me twice. Asking me a second time means he’s not sure I’m “all there” when he gets a nod or “uh-huh” type response.
Yellow means “you’re doin’ it too hard, too quickly – needs more warmup”. This is usually used with impact play. I don’t necessarily want him to stop flogging me, and I don’t necessarily want him to go softer for the rest of the damn night, but damn. Slow down for a few minutes, THEN try ramping it up again.
Orange means “this is so many kinds of not working for me it’s not funny. Don’t stop the scene, but for the love of God do something else.” Now, for us orange doesn’t mean “ow that hurts too much”. It means that for whatever reason (usually buried in my strange little brain) something we normally find erotic is boring me to death. If I’m thinking “Hm, when we’re done here, I should make a shopping list”, that’s an orange.
Note: It helps a lot, for us personally, because my brain is seriously fucked up. Something that was working last week, now might be “eh”, and next month “why don’t you do that anymore?”. So, after a lot of talking, we decided another safeword was useful. Y’all may have noticed I can’t give a short answer to anything to save my goddamn life. We do not want this in a scene. It means things are NOT going well, and I’m way too engaged in my brain, and not enough in my crotch.
Red, of course, means stop now. This has ranged from everything between “I think I’m injured, ow!” to “Shit, I broke another fuckin’ tooth, give me two minutes to rinse with an antiseptic and spit”. It absolutely does not HAVE to mean the scene’s over for the night.
The reason we use safewords after four years of steady play with each other isn’t really for safety at this point. It’s to get me to shut the goddamn hell up. We do NOT want me talking. This is bad.
We don’t use safewords often, anymore. He reads me pretty well. A lot of our play is fairly psychological in nature. I tell him to fuck off, in scene. A lot. I mean, if you ask me a stupid question (Will I be good if you untie me? Are you stupid?) I’m gonna give a smartass answer. It’s compulsive. No, I’m not going to admit I like it when you flog me. That’s sick. :-p
Scening for us is an escape into a world we’d like to be real. Safewords are a shortcut to real world communication that minimizes real world, boring, mundane intrusion, so we can get back to (or stay with) the hot juicy kinky stuff as long as possible, and as smoothly as possible.
YMMV, car does not include yoghurt maker (shit, I just dated myself), this system may not work for anyone but me and the voices in my head.