Posts in Category: Privacy

On consent, a political rant.
On consent, a political rant. avatar

I rarely post political rants, but this one needs to be said.  I won’t bore you with yet another blog post about the idiocy going on in congress over birth control coverage, abortion rights, etc.  You’ve seen it, read it, heard it, said it.

What I will do is speak briefly about consent and rape.  What I want is comment and discussion so I’ll keep this brief and to the point.

If someone uses coercion, force  or threat of force to violate the body of a woman, through unwanted physical manipulation up to the point of penetration of her body with a foreign object, then that is, in a word, rape.

Forcing  a woman, for whatever reason, to submit to an unwanted physical penetration, an unwanted intrusion into her private affairs, an unwanted and undesired exposure of her most intimate encounters and her body itself, is rape.

Placing yourself between a woman and the requirements of her health and well being, placing yourself as arbiter of her health and her personal interactions with other people is abuse.

Using force or the threat of force to forbid a woman the access to the things she needs to maintain her health, wellness and happiness is abuse.

Forbidding a woman, through coercion, force or threat of force, the right to choose how she cares for her own body is abuse.

I think we can all agree on those definitions when talking about personal interactions.  If it were a lover, a spouse, a parent, a neighbor, a friend acting in those heinous ways towards a woman, every one of us would be first in line to protect her, help her, see that justice is done.

But we have a situation where it’s not a friend or a relative or a spouse acting in those heinous ways.  It’s Congressmen, CEOs, Priests, and Presidents.    What I ask now, is what do we do about it?

 

Online dating, vegetables and awkard moments: Mistress Sabila
Online dating, vegetables and awkard moments: Mistress Sabila avatar

Online Dating can be a perilous journey and some obvious safety precautions should be followed. Things like meeting for the first time in a public place and making sure someone you trust knows where you are and how long you’ll be there are not advice to be taken lightly. But I find myself tired of all the negative press surrounding internet dating. For those of us who enjoy BDSM, dating at all can be difficult in the extreme.

For example: a friend sets you up with a nice man; you go out with him a few times and find yourself experiencing mutual attraction. At what point, and how, do you tell him you want to tie him to the bed, beat the hell out of him with a stick and penetrate him anally while torturing his nipples with various kitchen utensils? The average blind date just isn’t into that – which is sad for her/him, because they have no idea the fun they’re missing. It could be a very awkward conversation and in my experience, can be the end of an otherwise blossoming relationship.

So what are the alternatives to the traditional “blind date” if you’re a kinkster in need of a little lovin’? You could meet someone in a bar and risk having that awkward third date conversation about vegetables and anal penetration, or buy a membership to an expensive fetish club. Or my personal favorite, (and something I’ve considered in a desperate state of celibate frustration) stand on the street corner with a sign, “Will flog for love.” Oh, and there’s the internet with all its daunting twists and turns and a general lack of credibility. I think the internet gets a bad rap. In fact, used properly it could just be the best damned thing since silk shibari rope for the lonely and kinky at heart.

I met my fiancé, who is also my submissive, on an ‘alternative lifestyle’ (read “BDSM”) website. We spoke on the phone several times, clicked instantly and upon meeting for the first time, experienced mutual, genuine, honest to gods, holy crap, LOVE at first sight. After two years of dating followed by another year of living together, he popped the question. I responded with the always classic, “Are you serious?” and was given a terse, “yeah,” with an implied “duh,” and an annoyed-face for my trouble. From there I yelped my “YES!” and proceeded to attack him with kisses while sobbing like a crazy person.

I’ve described this wonderful, and somewhat private, moment of our lives for the general public to illustrate that not everyone you meet online is a weirdo or a pervert and that online dating can actually be successful, even for kinksters.

I’m not suggesting that everyone is going to find their own personal Mr. Oh-My-God just by getting online. That would be silly. And I’m not suggesting that it’s always 100% safe. That would be naïve. I am suggesting that people stop bitching about online dating and how horrible it is and I’ve offered my own personal success story as food for thought. Yes, you will probably run into a lot of guys wanting you to email them pictures of yourself in compromising positions so they can wank to your pretty pink…uh, yeah. But you also might just meet someone who lets you put them into compromising positions in person and fits into your life like a puzzle piece you didn’t know was missing. You never know until you try.

 

-M.S.

On privacy and Google Analytics.
On privacy and Google Analytics. avatar

This post originated over on Fetlife in their tech support forum.  (original here: Link ).  The question posed is one of concern for what information is sent to google when you click on a link or picture on Fetlife.  The  original poster is afraid that their IP  address, associated with the picture they clicked on, is sent to google and therefore can be traced back to their identity.

My response there is included below for discussion and debate.  Enjoy.